It’s not about HOW – It’s about Why!!


So much energy is given to the HOW or process of communication …Don’t worry about that so much, focus on WHY we communicate.  Before you ask, “How should I say (fill in the blank)”, ask, “Why should I say (fill in the blank)”. When we examine why we communicate, so much about ourselves and how we perceive others is revealed.


Here are 4 fundamental reasons why we communicate:



Why do we communicate?  

The most basic answer to this question is  – SURVIVAL!  Without communication we would simply fail to survive. There would be no way for us to get our most basic needs met and without those needs being met…well you know what would happen, DEATH!! So, for the simple need to survive – it is mandatory that we communicate. 



Why do we communicate?

Without communication, we would have no idea of WHO WE ARE! I often ask clients and students “Who are you” and I sit back and listen to them tell me all of the things people have told them about themselves…and they don’t realize how much of their identity comes from what other people have told them.  We don’t make ourselves – other people make us and we make other people through communication (more about this in another blog!)


Why do we communicate?

How else do you make friends or start a family? You have to communicate!! We communicate to be SOCIAL! Let’s face it – we don’t do well living in isolation. Even people that live in some of the most remote places have invited reality TV crews to come spend time with them. We have an aching need to belong to something and we meet that that need by communicating.



Why do we communicate?


It is the most PRACTICAL way to get things done.  When we go out to eat, it is far more practical to tell the server what you want than it is to have him or her read your mind. And, when you find that you need anything, it is better to ask for what you need or want than to wait and hope that someone will figure it out.


Simple reflections like “Why do I want say this” or “Why did you say that” – help us understand so much more about ourselves and our relationships than if we asked “How did that message get sent”.  So shift the perspective from How to Why.

“98% of success is support – I’ve got your back” DE ©














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