What is your relationship with Time?

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nationalgeographic.com

This week is all about flexing our muscles when we battle time*.  We have recently met with our friend, “Daylight Savings Time”. Well, friend to some, enemy to my students. They loathe changing the clock to “Spring Forward” because they “lose an hour” of sleep. My students don’t actually change their clocks (because they don’t really have them) their cell phones change automatically. I remind them on a Friday that time changes over the weekend (and they are stunned – every year!). And by Monday, some of them are still clueless and show up late. I can only ask myself,

“What is our relationship like with time?”

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 I met with three clients this week and each of them called out not having enough time to do the things they needed and wanted to do. Time was talked about as if it was a partner or friend that they were in bad relationships with and they had no way to end it.  I immediately had to shift the session and talk about relationships with time and how we communicate about time.

How do we talk about time?

“Kill Time”   “Waste Time”    “Borrow Time”    “Lose Time”    “Juggle Time”

“Make Time”

“Gain Time”   “Need Time”   “Battle Time”    “Saving Time”    “Manage Time”

“Find Time”

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As I worked with my clients, I asked them all, “What is their relationship like with time?” “How do they talk about that relationship?” I wasn’t surprised to hear that there was nothing positive to say about time. In fact, the things I heard were disturbing. Nothing that was said pointed to a loving, caring, and happy relationship with time. In fact, most of what was said suggested the need to destroy and conquer time. I had to know, if they spoke about any other relationship they had in this manner – after some time thinking, they said NO! So I asked, why don’t you break up with time?

Can we end our relationship with time?

I suggested to my clients to either “Spring Forward” or “Fall Backwards” in their relationship with time. Imagine either getting to the point in your relationship where ease it the driving force – think “retirement and time”. Or remember what your relationship with time was like before it turned bad – think “I don’t know how to tell time yet”. When they allowed themselves to change the way they thought about time, they immediately began to change the way the felt about time.  Nothing magical happened in the sense that we created more time for them, however, when we viewed time as a relationship, the entire perspective changed. As with all of our relationships, we choose how we will participate in them – time is not an exception! Time will be a factor in lives, and we have more control than we think!

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Time doesn’t need to be killed, managed, juggled, battled, wasted, or saved. We need to love, nurture, and respect our life partner… Time! We can make the relationship anything we want it to be…Why not make it positive?

One last question….Is time even Real???

Open Soul Communication
Effective Communication for Effective Relationships
“98% of Success is Support…I’ve got your back!” -DE ©

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Who Am I ??

Who-Am-IThis is the question that was addressed at yesterday’s workshop. How often do we ponder who we are? Minute-by-minute? Second-by second? With every significant event in life, we often find ourselves asking, Who am I? I often find that when asking this question, individuals want to know how to change who they are.

When I help clients and students attempt to answer this question, the first thing I tell then is “you are the sum total of all of your interactions up till this moment.” Most of them don’t like this response and press for something more concrete.There isn’t anything more concrete – who you are is directly connected to every interaction you have had and will have.

You don’t make yourself…others make you!

We don’t make ourselves. Almost everything you know about yourself is information that has been delivered by to you by someone other than you. Other people send us messages about who they want us to be, and we either accept or reject the messages. This is the formula of other people making us. In turn, we do the same thing to others – we send messages to them about who we want them to be and they either accept or reject the message…and the cycle continues. This doesn’t mean that you are not responsible for your decisions – YOU ARE, however the labels that you negotiate as you try to figure out who you are – those come from other people. And let me be clear here, those other people are generally significant people in your life.  There are basically 3 ways that this (the creation of your self concept) happens:

  1.  We  see ourselves the way that other people see us.
  2. We spend enormous amounts of time comparing ourselves to and measuring ourselves against others.
  3. We actively run our reflections through the vein of what would (fill in the blank) think.

I am not what I think I am.

I am not what you think I am.

I am what I think you think I am.

-Bleiberg & Leubling

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When addressing the question Who am I, examine your attitudes, values, and beliefs. Take a close look at the things you surround yourself with, the values and beliefs that you hold, and most importantly the formal and informal relationships and interactions you have.  We support and reinforce the messages that build our self concept through the environment that we build.

“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are!” 

                           -Festinger

As we grow in our understanding that the messages sent from others play a huge role in the construction of our self concept , we have more opportunities to exercise the power to accept or reject those messages. Who you are shouldn’t be about discovering what the past has hidden, it should be about discovering and realizing your hopes, dreams and goals.

Who you are

Ask yourself these questions:

What goals and expectations do I have for myself?

What goals and expectations do my significant others have for me?

Which goals and expectations are you working towards?

Open Soul Communication
Effective Communication for Effective Relationships
“98% of Success is Support…I’ve got your back” -DE ©